Why can’t you see things MY way?? I know that I’m right and you are wrong—horribly mistaken even! Perhaps if I tell more people about my side of things then they will join with me and support me against your ludicrous way of thinking. It’s my way or the highway…right?
At the same time that I am thinking this, you are thinking the same. You are reviewing conversations and circumstances in your head and you absolutely refuse to back down or give in to my reasoning!
Can you see the problem?
You can continue to dwell, stew, debate, harp on, and grumble about the difference in our opinion, perhaps taking it to a level you might not typically reach; but what good will that really do? Perhaps you just don’t care what people think, and that makes it easier for you to throw your opinion at me.
I think that most people who feel passionately about something are genuinely kind people who want to see the right thing done for the right reason—but, because we are humans with minds that are capable of independent thinking, we offer opinions which come from our own personal perspective. Our perspective and our opinion is our own and may or may not be right or wrong. Debating is a lively and important part of communication. It helps us to expand our horizons and our knowledge base; but when does debating harm? When one or both of us has lost sight of the original importance of the situation, only to be more concerned about who is right, that is harmful!
When you begin to ask yourself “why did I sign up for this?” and your pride and feelings are hurt, we may have damaged our relationship permanently. Since my thoughts and feelings seem to have no value to you, then I see no reason to continue trying to value yours. Oh, remember that situation we began to work together on? That is no longer my concern. Go ahead and have it your way. You win. Happy?? Neither am I.
The previous scenario is actually not a reflection of any one particular conflict I have observed, but it seems to fit several that I can currently think of. If you truly value a relationship and support a cause, practice good diplomacy and think carefully before you speak. If necessary, use an impartial third party to help you move beyond your differences. On the other side of the opinion is someone like you who just wants to be heard.
