As I turned left out of my street this morning and headed to work, I watched in my rear-view mirror as my daughter pulled out, though turned to the right and continued in the opposite direction. She was heading to her new job, in her new car—only her third day driving it. As the image of her car in my mirror grew smaller, I prayed to God for her happiness and protection as she begins this new phase in her life—and I cried. It was not something I intended to do, but my words were more of a plea for help than anything. I was suddenly more overwhelmed with the gravity of the events of this summer than I had ever been at the time of her accident. When it first happened, I was too busy reacting to what needed to be fixed and the anticipation of the future, when things would become normal again. This day was that long-awaited moment.
For five months she (we) put life on hold as the healing process took place. Who knows why things happen the way that they do, but the ordeal brought me closer to her than ever before. After she was home from the hospital and learning to adjust to her mobility issues, I remember her telling me that she felt the accident was meant to happen. How could falling asleep at the wheel and hitting a huge tree be something that is supposed to happen to my daughter? In some strange way, I also felt it was true. The turn of events caused her to avoid certain activities and careers and partake in others and to really appreciate the basic needs that we all have. It caused her to see life differently and to slow down—perhaps in a way that her family’s guidance could never have done. Events do seem to shape us.
The year 2011 seemed to be very “sensational” and I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way. From January’s snow piles which were nearly over my head, to the June 1 tornado which seemed to violate the relatively calm weather patterns that Massachusetts is used to, to the freak October 29 nor’easter which caused a tree limb to knock me down (and break my toe in the fall), and everything else in between—2011 was a year that I made every attempt to celebrate, but I think the year just preferred to be memorable. Perhaps that’s what I get for co-chairing the New Year’s Eve event on 12/31/2010! Of course, I haven’t mentioned the various world news events that made 2011 stand out.
2011 challenged me in so many ways: physically—due to clean-up efforts from the weather’s destruction, emotionally--as I dealt with a parent’s worst nightmare and the trials and tribulations of living back home with my parents, and logistically--as I tried to do too much for too many. I also had the pleasure and the challenge of being in my first play. Although I came close to backing out of the opportunity due to my daughter’s car accident, playing Mrs. Webb in “Our Town” allowed me to have a wonderful creative outlet and a way to be someone who I had never been before; and at this time in my life, I had the confidence to do it. I also met a wonderful group of people who were in the same boat as me and hopefully had as much fun as I did. Having my new leading man play “Mr. Webb” was even more special. Those four months of preparation for the October play were a true investment in myself and were even a little therapeutic.
I could not possibly forget to mention my experience riding in the Belchertown Historical Association’s Concord Coach during the parade on September 24. I had rented a costume for the parade, but didn’t actually know until the last minute that I would get the opportunity to get such a special ride. I was very honored—knowing that the honor typically goes to the senior members of the Association. There was room for my fellow 250th Anniversary Committee member and me to share the ride, and I could not have asked for a better culmination of my service on the Committee…or a better birthday present! (Indeed, it was my birthday weekend too.) That afternoon I decided to officially join the Historical Association—it was certainly the least I could do!
The year also seemed to be a reminder of what once was, and what can be taken away, and what we can truly function with or without. I tried to “perfect” the independence that I took back last year and I know what is necessary for me to be content. If something bothers me, I do speak up now. I didn’t always do that. I know that I am the only person who is responsible for me.
The fact that I’m even writing means that my schedule and my brain have freed up enough space to allow for inspiration again. My biggest challenge right now seems to be the upcoming holidays and handling all the details. I have heard too many people say this year that Christmas isn’t as welcome as usual. I suppose more than ever we should remember what it’s really all about. I’m going to do just that, and be even more thankful for everyone and everything I have in my life.
As I ponder my plans for 2012, I pray that the New Year is far less exciting!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, December 17, 2010
Just Another Year
The 2010 year is coming to a close in two weeks and like many of you, I am looking back at the past year and wondering where the time went. So, what did you accomplish in 2010? What did you gain? What did you lose? Who did you lose? What are you proud of? What do you wish you could go back and change?
Very soon it will be 2011 and like many people, you may have high expectations of the coming new year—as if it were a clean slate. I think that we appreciate having a new start in order to strengthen our resolve and to gear up for whatever the task may be. Quite often we make New Year’s resolutions pertaining to weight loss or improved health and happiness. I suspect that more and more people will have goals pertaining to education, employment, and financial and family security.
Why mark any particular year with memories or milestones? I believe that a year is a point of reference, a marker, and a way to remember our past. I use dates to remember what was happening in my life 2 years ago, 10 years ago, and even 20 years ago. It’s important to remember our past in order to learn and grow and to experience how life changes—whether we want it to or not.
Can you imagine what life was like in your city or town 250 years ago? Have you ever done any research on the history of your area and come away with a renewed appreciation for the present day? Or, perhaps it made you long for days gone by.
The passage from one year to the next is an essential part of history. Years become decades, and then eras, generations, and centuries—each which seem to have defining traits. What makes us so different from past generations? You are contributing to history at this very moment, so just imagine what people in the future will think of us. How do you want to leave your mark and be remembered? I suppose I could be remembered as someone who stopped to “smell the roses” occasionally and encouraged others to do the same; all while trying to “cultivate” a better life.
Take an interest in history. Honor it, protect it, and learn from it. Celebrate.
Happy New Year!
Very soon it will be 2011 and like many people, you may have high expectations of the coming new year—as if it were a clean slate. I think that we appreciate having a new start in order to strengthen our resolve and to gear up for whatever the task may be. Quite often we make New Year’s resolutions pertaining to weight loss or improved health and happiness. I suspect that more and more people will have goals pertaining to education, employment, and financial and family security.
Why mark any particular year with memories or milestones? I believe that a year is a point of reference, a marker, and a way to remember our past. I use dates to remember what was happening in my life 2 years ago, 10 years ago, and even 20 years ago. It’s important to remember our past in order to learn and grow and to experience how life changes—whether we want it to or not.
Can you imagine what life was like in your city or town 250 years ago? Have you ever done any research on the history of your area and come away with a renewed appreciation for the present day? Or, perhaps it made you long for days gone by.
The passage from one year to the next is an essential part of history. Years become decades, and then eras, generations, and centuries—each which seem to have defining traits. What makes us so different from past generations? You are contributing to history at this very moment, so just imagine what people in the future will think of us. How do you want to leave your mark and be remembered? I suppose I could be remembered as someone who stopped to “smell the roses” occasionally and encouraged others to do the same; all while trying to “cultivate” a better life.
Take an interest in history. Honor it, protect it, and learn from it. Celebrate.
Happy New Year!
Friday, October 22, 2010
In the Spirit of Debate
Why can’t you see things MY way?? I know that I’m right and you are wrong—horribly mistaken even! Perhaps if I tell more people about my side of things then they will join with me and support me against your ludicrous way of thinking. It’s my way or the highway…right?
At the same time that I am thinking this, you are thinking the same. You are reviewing conversations and circumstances in your head and you absolutely refuse to back down or give in to my reasoning!
Can you see the problem?
You can continue to dwell, stew, debate, harp on, and grumble about the difference in our opinion, perhaps taking it to a level you might not typically reach; but what good will that really do? Perhaps you just don’t care what people think, and that makes it easier for you to throw your opinion at me.
I think that most people who feel passionately about something are genuinely kind people who want to see the right thing done for the right reason—but, because we are humans with minds that are capable of independent thinking, we offer opinions which come from our own personal perspective. Our perspective and our opinion is our own and may or may not be right or wrong. Debating is a lively and important part of communication. It helps us to expand our horizons and our knowledge base; but when does debating harm? When one or both of us has lost sight of the original importance of the situation, only to be more concerned about who is right, that is harmful!
When you begin to ask yourself “why did I sign up for this?” and your pride and feelings are hurt, we may have damaged our relationship permanently. Since my thoughts and feelings seem to have no value to you, then I see no reason to continue trying to value yours. Oh, remember that situation we began to work together on? That is no longer my concern. Go ahead and have it your way. You win. Happy?? Neither am I.
The previous scenario is actually not a reflection of any one particular conflict I have observed, but it seems to fit several that I can currently think of. If you truly value a relationship and support a cause, practice good diplomacy and think carefully before you speak. If necessary, use an impartial third party to help you move beyond your differences. On the other side of the opinion is someone like you who just wants to be heard.
At the same time that I am thinking this, you are thinking the same. You are reviewing conversations and circumstances in your head and you absolutely refuse to back down or give in to my reasoning!
Can you see the problem?
You can continue to dwell, stew, debate, harp on, and grumble about the difference in our opinion, perhaps taking it to a level you might not typically reach; but what good will that really do? Perhaps you just don’t care what people think, and that makes it easier for you to throw your opinion at me.
I think that most people who feel passionately about something are genuinely kind people who want to see the right thing done for the right reason—but, because we are humans with minds that are capable of independent thinking, we offer opinions which come from our own personal perspective. Our perspective and our opinion is our own and may or may not be right or wrong. Debating is a lively and important part of communication. It helps us to expand our horizons and our knowledge base; but when does debating harm? When one or both of us has lost sight of the original importance of the situation, only to be more concerned about who is right, that is harmful!
When you begin to ask yourself “why did I sign up for this?” and your pride and feelings are hurt, we may have damaged our relationship permanently. Since my thoughts and feelings seem to have no value to you, then I see no reason to continue trying to value yours. Oh, remember that situation we began to work together on? That is no longer my concern. Go ahead and have it your way. You win. Happy?? Neither am I.
The previous scenario is actually not a reflection of any one particular conflict I have observed, but it seems to fit several that I can currently think of. If you truly value a relationship and support a cause, practice good diplomacy and think carefully before you speak. If necessary, use an impartial third party to help you move beyond your differences. On the other side of the opinion is someone like you who just wants to be heard.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Taking the Bad with the Good, and Vice Versa
I have sat down to write a new column so many times in the past few weeks, but the words have not come easily. In fact I just deleted three paragraphs and decided to start over. For me, a lack of words--written or spoken--is not so typical. I was trying to find a way to put a positive spin on my current situation.
How many of us tolerate negative things in life in order to get by without disruption or chaos? We get comfortable with our routine, even though we know that it might not be perfect or even the best situation for us. We take it like medicine...we don't like it, but it has to be done. We do this because we strive to avoid conflict. I think that I was raised to avoid conflict...either that or I have too much of the "patience and acceptance" gene! So, when I do decide to "rock the boat," it's usually of Titanic proportions. Do most women feel this way about their roles within the family? I think to some extent it is true.
After years of tolerating, avoidance, fear of the unknown, and the advice of well-intended people in my life, I changed. First, you can never do something just because someone else tells you to. You have to make the decision on your own, when it's the right time for YOU! You have to be confident and strong in the decisions that you make so that you can stand by them later. I have decided to not blame anyone else for problems in my life--I took back my independence. Now, with the support of family and friends, I move on to a new stage in life.
Taking the good with the bad means making that move toward something good or better for your life, despite how difficult it may seem at first. To anyone facing a huge obstacle, a life-changing decision, or something that pulls you from your comfort zone, you are not alone. Congratulations on taking that step for you!
How many of us tolerate negative things in life in order to get by without disruption or chaos? We get comfortable with our routine, even though we know that it might not be perfect or even the best situation for us. We take it like medicine...we don't like it, but it has to be done. We do this because we strive to avoid conflict. I think that I was raised to avoid conflict...either that or I have too much of the "patience and acceptance" gene! So, when I do decide to "rock the boat," it's usually of Titanic proportions. Do most women feel this way about their roles within the family? I think to some extent it is true.
After years of tolerating, avoidance, fear of the unknown, and the advice of well-intended people in my life, I changed. First, you can never do something just because someone else tells you to. You have to make the decision on your own, when it's the right time for YOU! You have to be confident and strong in the decisions that you make so that you can stand by them later. I have decided to not blame anyone else for problems in my life--I took back my independence. Now, with the support of family and friends, I move on to a new stage in life.
Taking the good with the bad means making that move toward something good or better for your life, despite how difficult it may seem at first. To anyone facing a huge obstacle, a life-changing decision, or something that pulls you from your comfort zone, you are not alone. Congratulations on taking that step for you!
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Column Continues...
Since http://www.belchertown-news.com/ is on a permanent break, I've been thinking about how much I miss writing. I also tend to proof and edit things randomly and I'm sure that my friends and family are tired of me finding typos in the most basic things. I'm perfectly capable of creating my own typos and overlooking them too, since we all seem to miss our own mistakes.
It seems like just yesterday that I headed back to college for my BA degree. In September of 2008, I began the Saturday Program at Bay Path College in Longmeadow; and while I was excited about the opportunity, I was a little nervous that my thirty-something year-old brain wouldn't work the same as it did the last time was I was in school. To my pleasant surprise, not only could I handle the workload, but I actually excelled in the program. What a coincidence it was that I had originally intended to go to Bay Path right after high school, when it was only a two-year school. Somehow I ended up at Holyoke Community College with a lot of my friends and earning both a certificate and an Associates Degree in my two years there.
In the seventeen years that followed, I was employed by educational institutions--supporting others in their quest for a college degree. I felt like I had squeezed as much life as possible out of my associates degree, and I realized that there is an invisible door in the employment world which can only be opened up with a four-year degree. All the experience in the world isn't going to matter to an employer who is concerned about that piece of paper. That fact really hit me after I left my last job in 2007 and learned later that a younger degree holder in the office had not only taken over my position, but did so with an advanced title. While I was happy that she had been given the opportunity, it further strengthened my desire to earn my degree.
I have no regrets. I know that the sequence of events in my life happened for a reason--perhaps for no other reason than to say that I now am the mother of a daughter in college, and I appreciate my having graduated now far more than I would have appreciated it back then. I have no immediate plans for a job change either, I'm just going to enjoy this for a while. Some have asked me if I plan to continue to get my Masters. I'm not sure just yet--but I did bring home the application.
I am grateful to all those who have encouraged and supported me with words and with patience. Thank you! I am also grateful for the many new Bay Path friends I have gained along the way.
To reflect on the haiku which I wrote for my World Literature class:
After eighteen years
it is her time which has come,
mine begins again.
One more thing... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems like just yesterday that I headed back to college for my BA degree. In September of 2008, I began the Saturday Program at Bay Path College in Longmeadow; and while I was excited about the opportunity, I was a little nervous that my thirty-something year-old brain wouldn't work the same as it did the last time was I was in school. To my pleasant surprise, not only could I handle the workload, but I actually excelled in the program. What a coincidence it was that I had originally intended to go to Bay Path right after high school, when it was only a two-year school. Somehow I ended up at Holyoke Community College with a lot of my friends and earning both a certificate and an Associates Degree in my two years there.
In the seventeen years that followed, I was employed by educational institutions--supporting others in their quest for a college degree. I felt like I had squeezed as much life as possible out of my associates degree, and I realized that there is an invisible door in the employment world which can only be opened up with a four-year degree. All the experience in the world isn't going to matter to an employer who is concerned about that piece of paper. That fact really hit me after I left my last job in 2007 and learned later that a younger degree holder in the office had not only taken over my position, but did so with an advanced title. While I was happy that she had been given the opportunity, it further strengthened my desire to earn my degree.
I have no regrets. I know that the sequence of events in my life happened for a reason--perhaps for no other reason than to say that I now am the mother of a daughter in college, and I appreciate my having graduated now far more than I would have appreciated it back then. I have no immediate plans for a job change either, I'm just going to enjoy this for a while. Some have asked me if I plan to continue to get my Masters. I'm not sure just yet--but I did bring home the application.
I am grateful to all those who have encouraged and supported me with words and with patience. Thank you! I am also grateful for the many new Bay Path friends I have gained along the way.
To reflect on the haiku which I wrote for my World Literature class:
After eighteen years
it is her time which has come,
mine begins again.
One more thing... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New Year
Written for the 6/29/2009 Edition of Andrea's Random Thoughts:
You may recall that it was just over a year ago that I started writing this column under a pen name—Samantha B. It was with the New Year’s edition that I “came out” and resolved to always take credit for my writing. Being anonymous gives one so much freedom to openly express thoughts, ideas, and even criticisms; and given that I was new to writing a column, naturally I wasn’t sure of the direction I was going to go. Those who read my column know that I don’t do much criticizing anyway so there really is no need to duck and cover.
I think that this is where I’m supposed to start talking about New Year’s resolutions… I read on-line this morning that the top bad habits to kick are: nail-biting, smoking, eating too late in the evening, forgetting to floss, and sun-worshipping/tanning. I’m probably somewhat guilty of at least 3 out of the 5. I’d also like to add a few more resolutions to my list: read my mail immediately and toss out the junk mail daily, drink more water, eat healthier, and slow down a little. I’d also like to have time to read for enjoyment—I hear that there are some book suggestions in this week’s editorial. I think that everyone has something that they could change or would like to change. There is strength and support in numbers, so by all means verbalize your goals and enlist the help of friends and family!
Not only is the upcoming 2010 year a new year, it’s the beginning of a whole new decade! So what can we say about the past decade? Technology, war, terrorism, energy conservation and global warming are the things that stand out in my mind. Remember ten years ago we were all concerned about Y2K and that the change in date would wreak havoc upon the world’s computer systems?? (I have that Prince song “1999” stuck in my head!) We’ve learned a great deal since then.
So as long as we don’t text while driving, don’t let our guard down at the airport, don’t use the wrong products, and don’t remain oblivious to our planet, we might be on the right track. I think it’s more about using common sense and watching out for each other. Don’t put off helping someone or getting involved in a cause just because you think someone else will do it. We’re all in this together and it’s our turn to bat.
Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!
You may recall that it was just over a year ago that I started writing this column under a pen name—Samantha B. It was with the New Year’s edition that I “came out” and resolved to always take credit for my writing. Being anonymous gives one so much freedom to openly express thoughts, ideas, and even criticisms; and given that I was new to writing a column, naturally I wasn’t sure of the direction I was going to go. Those who read my column know that I don’t do much criticizing anyway so there really is no need to duck and cover.
I think that this is where I’m supposed to start talking about New Year’s resolutions… I read on-line this morning that the top bad habits to kick are: nail-biting, smoking, eating too late in the evening, forgetting to floss, and sun-worshipping/tanning. I’m probably somewhat guilty of at least 3 out of the 5. I’d also like to add a few more resolutions to my list: read my mail immediately and toss out the junk mail daily, drink more water, eat healthier, and slow down a little. I’d also like to have time to read for enjoyment—I hear that there are some book suggestions in this week’s editorial. I think that everyone has something that they could change or would like to change. There is strength and support in numbers, so by all means verbalize your goals and enlist the help of friends and family!
Not only is the upcoming 2010 year a new year, it’s the beginning of a whole new decade! So what can we say about the past decade? Technology, war, terrorism, energy conservation and global warming are the things that stand out in my mind. Remember ten years ago we were all concerned about Y2K and that the change in date would wreak havoc upon the world’s computer systems?? (I have that Prince song “1999” stuck in my head!) We’ve learned a great deal since then.
So as long as we don’t text while driving, don’t let our guard down at the airport, don’t use the wrong products, and don’t remain oblivious to our planet, we might be on the right track. I think it’s more about using common sense and watching out for each other. Don’t put off helping someone or getting involved in a cause just because you think someone else will do it. We’re all in this together and it’s our turn to bat.
Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!
Getting Educated
Written for the 6/16/2009 Edition of Andrea's Random Thoughts:
As I awoke early on Saturday morning for the start of two new classes in my degree program, I thought about the funeral that I would have to miss that day. Due to the stringent rules of the program, missing a day would result in a significant grade reduction for the six-week course, and so I needed to seriously weigh the consequences. I had taken off a Saturday for my daughter’s prom in May (which I do not in any way regret), but I certainly saw the effects of my absence.
Micro-economics for five hours in the morning may sound dreadful (as would any class for that duration), but it turned out to be quite refreshing and the time passed fairly quickly. I know that she was in favor of women receiving as much education as possible, so I am sure that she would have understood why I wasn’t at the service. As we went around the room introducing ourselves in class and I listened to my classmates’ stories, it was clear that there are people really struggling out there with choices and decisions that I could only imagine. The core of the class is, of course, the economy and its micro effect on every level, and so we started off talking about some of the difficult choices that women have to make. If only she had been able to talk about how she was feeling and then perhaps she would have known that there was a better way.
Most of the women talked about job issues and the financial concerns which go along with going back to school, while some struggled with paying for their children’s tuition at the same time—all while trying to afford groceries. Some young women are caring for their parents and siblings while working full time and attending school. Some had moved back in with their parents to save money. It was clear that we all had one thing in common—we all value our education and are making a sacrifice for it. While listening to these stories, I couldn’t help but think about my friend who left her family and a teenage daughter behind. It’s easy for people to say that it’s a selfish thing to do, but sometimes we never really know the pain that someone else is going through until it’s too late. My heart went out to one woman in the class who lost her job a few months ago and who deals with health problems that have yet to be properly diagnosed and treated. The class exercise was very useful, as it brought us out of our own little worlds and reassured everyone that regardless of our struggle, we are by no means alone. A support group or a micro-economics class—a bonding, thought-provoking, educational experience just the same.
As a young mother who had gone through so much and achieved so much by the age of 33, my friend devoted her time, her work, and her heart to the social causes which meant the most to her. It seemed that everything she did had a meaningful purpose. I am not sure how many of us can say that about our own life. As I looked around the classroom and then at the clock on the wall, I realized that the funeral had probably started and I wished that someone would find a clue to her mystery. It had been a few years since I last spoke to her, but what I do remember about our conversations always stayed with me. Though there is no complete answer to explain her decision, one thing is perfectly clear--we need to step outside of our own problems and pay more attention to those around us. Do something nice for someone today—for no reason other than it’s the right thing to do. Even if it means just listening, you might be helping in ways that you never imagined.
As I awoke early on Saturday morning for the start of two new classes in my degree program, I thought about the funeral that I would have to miss that day. Due to the stringent rules of the program, missing a day would result in a significant grade reduction for the six-week course, and so I needed to seriously weigh the consequences. I had taken off a Saturday for my daughter’s prom in May (which I do not in any way regret), but I certainly saw the effects of my absence.
Micro-economics for five hours in the morning may sound dreadful (as would any class for that duration), but it turned out to be quite refreshing and the time passed fairly quickly. I know that she was in favor of women receiving as much education as possible, so I am sure that she would have understood why I wasn’t at the service. As we went around the room introducing ourselves in class and I listened to my classmates’ stories, it was clear that there are people really struggling out there with choices and decisions that I could only imagine. The core of the class is, of course, the economy and its micro effect on every level, and so we started off talking about some of the difficult choices that women have to make. If only she had been able to talk about how she was feeling and then perhaps she would have known that there was a better way.
Most of the women talked about job issues and the financial concerns which go along with going back to school, while some struggled with paying for their children’s tuition at the same time—all while trying to afford groceries. Some young women are caring for their parents and siblings while working full time and attending school. Some had moved back in with their parents to save money. It was clear that we all had one thing in common—we all value our education and are making a sacrifice for it. While listening to these stories, I couldn’t help but think about my friend who left her family and a teenage daughter behind. It’s easy for people to say that it’s a selfish thing to do, but sometimes we never really know the pain that someone else is going through until it’s too late. My heart went out to one woman in the class who lost her job a few months ago and who deals with health problems that have yet to be properly diagnosed and treated. The class exercise was very useful, as it brought us out of our own little worlds and reassured everyone that regardless of our struggle, we are by no means alone. A support group or a micro-economics class—a bonding, thought-provoking, educational experience just the same.
As a young mother who had gone through so much and achieved so much by the age of 33, my friend devoted her time, her work, and her heart to the social causes which meant the most to her. It seemed that everything she did had a meaningful purpose. I am not sure how many of us can say that about our own life. As I looked around the classroom and then at the clock on the wall, I realized that the funeral had probably started and I wished that someone would find a clue to her mystery. It had been a few years since I last spoke to her, but what I do remember about our conversations always stayed with me. Though there is no complete answer to explain her decision, one thing is perfectly clear--we need to step outside of our own problems and pay more attention to those around us. Do something nice for someone today—for no reason other than it’s the right thing to do. Even if it means just listening, you might be helping in ways that you never imagined.
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